When “They Should Be Here” Feels Overwhelming

Holding grief alongside the sovereignty of God

With stillbirth, there are so many moments that feel like:

They should be here.

The monthly milestones. The due date. The birthdays. The holidays. The family plans made before everything changed.

Moments that quietly remind you of what was supposed to be.

And those moments can be incredibly heavy.

When Grief Meets Truth

In the middle of those thoughts, I find myself returning—again and again—to two truths from Scripture:

God is sovereign:

“I know that You can do all things; no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.” — Job 42:2

“My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.” — Isaiah 46:10

“He works all things according to the counsel of His will.” — Ephesians 1:11

God numbers our days before they begin:

“All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.” — Psalm 139:16

These are not easy truths. But they are steady ones.

Exactly Where He Is Meant to Be

When I hold onto these truths, even gently, I begin to see something differently:

Mason is exactly where he is meant to be.

His life was not random. It was not overlooked. It was not outside of God’s care.

He was intentionally created—for 32 warm, protected weeks in Eden’s womb…and for eternity in Heaven.

There is nothing—not a hyper-coiled umbilical cord or any other diagnosis—that could ever stand in the way of God’s purposes.

Not because these things aren’t real or painful. But because God’s will is not fragile.

Holding Responsibility Without Carrying Blame

At the same time, Scripture reminds us that our choices matter.

God has given us:

• wisdom

• resources

• doctors and medical care

• the ability to make decisions

And He calls us to steward these well. “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ…” — 2 Corinthians 5:10

So yes—we pursue prenatal care. We ask questions. We advocate. We do what we can.

But there is an important difference between responsibility and control.

We are responsible for our choices. We are not in control of outcomes.

When Regret Creeps In

For many parents, grief brings questions like:

What if I had gone in sooner? What if someone had listened? What if I had done something differently?

If that is you, hear this gently:

You love your child.

That is why these questions exist. That is why you are searching. That is why your heart is still reaching for them.

And in that moment, you made the best decisions you could with the knowledge you had at the time.

God is not looking at you with accusation.

He sees your love. He sees your intention. He sees your heart.

And if it had been His will for your baby to live longer on this earth, nothing could have prevented that.

Not a missed sign. Not a delayed decision. Not a human limitation.

A Truth That Leaves No Room for Regret

This doesn’t take away the grief. It doesn’t make the empty spaces easier. It doesn’t remove the longing for what could have been.

But it does offer something gentle, yet powerful:

There is no room for regret in the presence of God’s sovereignty.

Because your baby’s life was never hanging in the balance of a single moment.

It was always held—fully, completely, securely—in the hands of a sovereign and loving God.

A Quiet Place to Rest

If the “they should be here” moments feel overwhelming today, you don’t have to resolve everything.

You can simply rest here:

Your baby was known. Your baby was loved. Your baby’s life unfolded exactly as God intended.

And now—

your baby is held in the same hands that have been holding you all along. 🤍

Next steps:

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